


30 Day Song Challenge

by Gallavicher (Gobblepotle)



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV), Shameless (US)
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar Ian Gallagher, Clay Jensen Needs a Hug, F/F, F/M, Good Sibling Clay Jensen, HIV/AIDS, Justin Foley Needs a Hug, M/M, Multi, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:47:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24584824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gobblepotle/pseuds/Gallavicher
Relationships: Debbie Gallagher/Sandy Milkovich, Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich, Justin Foley/Clay Jensen
Kudos: 8





	1. Intro

this is just an intro and an explanation on how to also do a challenge like this !

this is my song list:

1\. Birth - 30 Seconds To Mars ✔  
2\. In The Shadows Of The Valley Of Death - Marilyn Manson ✔  
3\. Devour - Marilyn Manson ✔  
4\. Drive - R.E.M.✔  
5\. Like A Stone - Audioslave ✔  
6\. The Syndrome - Grey Daze ✔  
7\. Hurt - Nine Inch Nails ✔  
8\.   
9\.   
10\.   
11\.   
12\.   
13\.   
14\.   
15\.   
16\.   
17\.   
18\.   
19.  
20\.   
21\.   
22\.   
23\.   
24\.   
25\.   
26\.   
27\.   
28\.   
29\.   
30\. 

do not hold it against me if four of these are posted in one day because i already wrote them :|

how to do the challenge:  
1\. go onto Spotify or youtybe  
2\. shuffle the playlist as many times as you have days for the challenge  
3\. make one shots, stories, fics, au, etc with those songs  
4\. have fun !

if anyone also does this challenge i would LOVE for you to let me know, i would love to read your works


	2. You're north of Heaven, Maybe somewhere west of Hell.

Ian head told him loads of things, every day, all the time, his brain wouldn't shut down, all the negative thoughts, thinking how worthless he was, how he was ruining everyone life, thinking he should take a gun, put it on his head and fired it, everything was wrong, he was depressed, he had choose to live with it instead, because he would flush all his meds, so one day, he just thought about ending it, that day was today.

Mickey, he said he had to go to the store and buy some food for him and his husband, he never thought it would be a bad idea to leave the house that day, since there was no one else to take a look at a depressed ian, he never knew ian stopped taking the meds about a month ago, he thought the meds wasn't just properly working anymore and needed to change them, how naive one can be...

Ian's head was rushing, was on his highs and lows, switching too fast to even keep up, so depressed, so suicidal that none of them see it coming, with no gallaghers in the house, Ian was completely alone, and he saw that as an oportunity..  
Ian's brain was telling him, how to feel, how worthless, useless, negative he was, enought to pull the trigger and just blow his head out of this world.

**"I will save**   
**you from yourself**   
**Time will change**   
**everything about this hell**   
**Are you lost?**   
**Can't find yourself?**   
**You're north of Heaven**   
**Maybe somewhere west of Hell"**

His life was a hell, he just wanted to stop his thoughts, to stop his suffering, just stop all together, for good... meds would make him feel a zombie, so he wouldn't take them, without the meds he would feel negative, lost, he would never be able to be the same ever again, he knew he never would be able to be the same ian he was before, and he hated that idea, times change, somes for better, somes for worst, but with ian was no difference, since destiny had plans for him and wasn't the good ones, he just decided what to do at the last minute, he just wanted to stop being a burden to everyone, to free them from the chains of what ian had become, he thought he was a weight to everybody else, his thoughts racing up, he had to end it and he would end it now... So he grab one of the thousand mickey's guns, he check out to be sure he had bullets in it, even if he just needed one, he wasn't sure if the bullet would get stuck in the way so he knew he needed more, he was desperate enough to bring 2 extra bullets with him, he lock himself in the bathroom, he could see himself in the mirror, the bad state he was in.

Mickey would had comeback from the store with the groceries at hand, so many yummy stuff to share with his partner, then he heard it.. A loud noice after what sounded like a big bag hitting the floor, he had no idea of what could have happened and no matter how fast he run to where he hear that noise, it was too late, he searched everywhere from where that sound came off, he noticed the bathroom door locked, he started kicking it until he broke it, Ian was there, resting with the face on the floor, he wouldn't think ian shoot himself or anything because he looked normal from mickey sight, plus he was already pale as fuck and tbh from his perspective he couldn't see the hole on ian's forehead so he wouldn't know what happened until he could access to the bathroom, desperately to know what did happened, desperately telling ian to wake up, touching him to react, he wouldn't know because he was still warm, then he found out a trail of blood near where his head was, he turned him up like he could, just to find out a small hole in his head, he took his hand to his mouth as he started sobbing in shock, he started freaking out and he sees Ian was still holding the gun, mickey tried to remove it but ian's hand wouldn't let it loose, was thight, too strong for him to be able to remove it, he knew he had to call for help, so he called the 911, the cops and of course the gallaghers, since lip was working on a building, debbie was somewhere on a date with mickey's cousin Sandy, carl was probably selling some drugs and liam would have been looking for frank who knows where, so he called kev and told kev to start calling the ones he couldn't reach out, i'm sure those where carl and liam, since debs was with sandy and lip working, plus mickey knew those numbers

 **[Lip]: "Hello?" "Who is this?" "Mickey?" "whoa, whoa, call down, repeat that again..." "What???"** he said this time with teary eyes and taking his right hand to his mouth in shock, **"yeah, i'm still here", "i'm on my way, ok, see ya"** then lip told his boss that he had to leave that some accident happened at home and he had to leave earlier, his boss understood by the look on his face, it was something serious.

 **[Mickey]: "Sandy, it's me"** said with a broken voice

 **[Sandy]: "Hi mickey, What's wrong?"** she ask as she answers to her phone **"oh shit"** (this had alerted debs)...

 **[Debs]: "What's wrong"** she asks watching her girlfriend in shock

 **[Sandy]: "We have to go"** as she starts to get up 

**[Debs]: "Why?" "What's wrong?"**

**[Sandy]: "It's your brother" "Ian, he shots himself" "come on lets go"** (debs in shock she couldn't move until sandy helps her to get up, get ready and head up to their home)

The ambulance was already there by the time debs and sandy came home to find lip crying on the stairs, debs runs to him to hug him

 **[Debs]: "How's Ian?"** still not knowing the full details since mickey was to shocked to have gave the full details

 **[Lip]: "He's dead debs, firefighters are still trying to remove the gun from his hand"** he says with tears in his eyes

Sandy go inside the house to find mickey with blood still in his hands and some rests of it on his clothes and in shock.

 **[Sandy]: "Mickey, what happened"** asked still not knowing the full details of what happened...

Lip already had figured out when he went to see what the firefighters were doing in the bathroom and that's when he sees it and he had to go out and take some fresh air and wait for the rest of the family to comeback, but mickey got to sit in a chair on the kitchen and didn't moved from there since lip reached him up, that was 2 hours ago, he thought by now ian's body would be cold even if he tried to forget about it, he couldn't and then he move his head up to see sandy in front of him with a worried face.

 **[Mickey]: "I cameback from the store"** he started saying with a broken voice **"i heard a noise, a big loud noise" "followed by like a bag or something that hit the floor" "i..." "i knew from where it came so i go upstairs and check every room" "until i realised the noises came from the bathroom" "then i saw him laying in there, with his face on the floor, i saw blood and i thought ok he fell and broke his nose" "i di** **dn't thought he would do this" "i wouldn't have left the house without him" "it's all my fault"**

**[Sandy]: "It's not your fault" "how you could have known this was going to happen" "yesterday he was happy, he had married you a month ago yesterday, it would have been impossible to know what was going to happen"**

Later that day kev came to see how was everything, he rold lip and deb that liam and carl were staying with V and frank, that if they needed something he was there to help, lip said thanks and then he and debs hug him as they see the ambulance starting to set everything up and leave, a forensic would stop in his steps and ask who was the adult in change and that would be lip and mickey, they were told to go with them to the hospital, kev and sandy agreed to stay there to check on things, check on debbie as sandy would wash ian's trail of blood in the bathroom floor

 **[Kev]: "Are you ok?"** he ask to debbie, whos look at him with a face he only could describe as a no, throw his hands in rendition and say sorry, then gives her a cup of hot coffee to try calm her sobs

Hours passed, lip and mickey were already at home, the 5 of them sitting at the chouch in silence when they heard a knock on the door and kev gets up 

**[Kev]: "Sure is v with carl and liam, i called them to let them know that it was safe to come now"**

**[Lip]: "Thanks kev..."** he says as he and debs gets up to hug their little brothers and thank v for taking care of them, with frank resting outside sitting on the house stairs with watery eyes still not believing what had happened

Mickey was still on shock since he was the one to found the lifeless body of his partner in the bathroom floor he would react when sandy gives him a cup of coffee, he would turn his head up and ask

 **[Mickey]: "How is he?"** everyone looking at themselves with fear to answer that question, everyone with watery eyes, and a shocked to the bone mickey that didn't knew what was happening, if was real or just a dream, then lip takes a look at the mug mickey has in his hands

**[Lip]: "That was ian's favourite mug"**

And everyone just stayed there in silence, kev hugging v, debs hugging liam and carl, sandy placing a hand at mickey shoulder, mickey not even realising where he was or what happened and lip, lip was sad, he had lost his best friend, his little brother, the one that spent more time of his life with and now he was gone and he just could believe it, he got there stand still starring at the nothing.

**"You're north of Heaven**   
**Maybe somewhere west of Hell..."**

**T** he **E** nd **.**


	3. Heaven wasn't made for me.

###  **[narrator voice]:** I heard the key on the front door, even with the loud music on, i still could hear him arriving, first words he say...

**[Mickey]:** "Hello, I'm home, I brought you some food, Chicken..." said leaving the bags in the table of their kitchen.

You could hear the depressing music out loud...

**"Sometimes I feel so worthless**   
**Sometimes I feel discarded**   
**I wish that I was good enough**   
  
**Then I'd know that I am not alone"**

Mickey go to check Ian in their room, stepping out in the door realising he wasn't there... Then he see light coming out down the bathroom door, he walks towards and open it up, let's say he wasn't too happy to see that...

(Music still sounding in the background...)

**"Death is the stereo**   
**Death is a TV**   
**Death is the Tarot**   
**Death is an angel and**   
**Death is our God, killing us all"**

He was laying in the batroom floor, overdosed, with razor blades laying next to him

**[Mickey]:** "ian talk to me..."

"Ian"

**[Ian]:** "Go away" (whispered)

**[Mickey]:** What?

**[Ian]:** Let me alone (said high enough to break mickey's heart)

What i see next was Mickey bending over to pick ian up and carry him to the bed, trying his best to dress me up, to carry me up again, take me to the car and end up draving to the clinic to get a refill after i took them all up

As always, he had to lie to the doc, saying i flushed them all instead of the truth, which was way worst...

The doc suggested to keep an eye on me, so i don't do it again, which he thought it was a pretty good idea, all i could think was, oh god, i will have him breathing on my neck all day because of what I've done...

I literally want to die now, don't worry... It's in my plans after all, an advice... If you ever want to kill yourself again, try harder drugs or a knife, someday, maybe i will, and who knows, maybe that day i will be free.


	4. You're a flower that's withering.

**"I'll swallow up all of you**   
**Like a big bottle of big, big pills**   
**You're the one that I should never take**   
**But I can't sleep until I devour you**   
**I can't sleep until I devour you**   
**You're a flower that's withering**   
**I can't feel your thorns in my head**   
**This is no impressionability**   
**You're not crying, this is blood all over me**   
**You're not crying, this is blood all over me**   
**You're not crying, this is blood all over me**   
**And I'll love you, if you let me**   
**And I'll love you, if you won't make me stop**   
**I used to hold your heart to neck**   
**I know I'll miss you if I close my eyes**   
**But this is loaded with an open film**   
**I'll see you and I'll blow your heart to pieces**   
**I will blow your heart to pieces**   
**I will blow your heart to pieces**   
**I will blow your heart to pieces**   
**And I'll love you, if you let me**   
**And I'll love you, if you won't make me stop**   
**Oh oh oh oh... Oh oh oh oh... Oh oh**   
**oh oh... Oh oh oh oh...**   
**My pain's not ashamed to repeat itself."**

Ian been singing this song all the time as he empty his bottle of pills on his throat, he knows what he is doing, he just need something to shut down the voices inside his head, he knows alcohol wont help, but fuck he is desperate, he is manic and he needs to stop it for good.  
He been singing this song in a quiet tone, laying in the milkovich bathroom floor only in his boxers, he knows Mickey told him to not drink alcohol with the pills, but Ian knows what he is doing, yet he couldn't shut down his toughts, the voices inside his head, he just want them to stop. desperate measures is what makes him do it, it was makes him think about what he is doing next, as the pills wont work, the alcohol long time gone, as now the vodka bottle is damn empty, he still keep listening to the voices inside his head, he just can not shut them off, so he know there is 1 only way.

He knows what he haves to do, to stop the voices inside his head, to stop the pain, the suffering, to make all go away, he takes desperate measures... He knows that mickey is fucking passed out drunk in their bed, so he wont stop him, he wont even wake up wth the noice of the bottle smashed all over the bathroom floor, Ian knows what he is doing.  
Even with the door wide open, Mickey didn't even move, damn Ian have to had all planned from the beginning, he knows what he is doing and why, he just needed to put Mickey off by getting him massive drunk, because if he were sober he wouldn't let him do it, Ian is smart in his own twisted way.  
He pick up some big glass pieces and slits his wrists and just lay there in the bathroom, now looking at a sleepy Mickey, who doesn't look so sleepy now.

Mickey see Ian bleeding and rush to where he is and try to save him, uses his phone to call 911 and call Fiona, he lost too much blood by now, Ian is fading to black, like a flower that's withering in mickey bare arms, he heard him crying, shouting at Ian trying to keep him awake, but is not working, "I love you, Mick... I, I'm sorry" Ian mumble at Mickey hear... "No, no, no, no, you wont go, you wont leave me again, I wont let you, you hear me?, everything is going t be okay, you will survive" Mickey say with truth and desperation in his voice, but Ian knows "I'm sorry" Ian reply, Mickey doesn't want to hear it like if was a good bye, he is looking around to find some towel, but what he see, he see the bottle of vodka smashed all around him sure he will have some cuts in his feets since he is haves bare feets, but he doesn't care, he only cares about Ian, his bleeding husband in the bathroom floor, he is the one who he haves to take care of in this moment, he sees the pills bottle empty, no sigh of the pills, he guess Ian swallowed them all, this was planned, by him is what Mickey thought for a moment and watching the love of his life fading away, he let out out a piercing scream, sobbing like if there had air in his lungs anymore, the ambulance just arrived, but damn, it was too late, Ian Clayton Gallagher was dead.

**"And I'll love you, if you let me**   
**And I'll love you, if you won't...**   
**make me stop."**


	5. Baby

**[Ian]** : As if you never gone overdose, messed up, walking in the street not knowing what to do, where to go...

-Music starts playing in the back (to create an ambient)-

**"What if you did, what if you walk? What if you tried to get off, baby?"**

Mick started to freak out, running, looking everywhere, but no sign of him, he was desperate, thought, he had emptied a bottle of pills, he knew he was on overdose and was running out of time.

**"Maybe you're crazy in the head, baby**   
**Maybe you did, maybe you walked**   
**Maybe you rocked around the clock**   
**Tick-tock, tick-tock"**

**[Ian]:** it's raining, no, it's not cold in here, luckily it was summer, unluckly my nose was bleeding (it wasn't pretty), i have nothing to stop the blood, my hands stained red, my only hope it's ríp off my shirt, use it as a sort of ninja mask and hopefully stop the nose bleeding, "fuck it" is the only word i could think of...

**"Maybe I ride, maybe you walk**   
**Maybe I drive to get off, baby**   
**Maybe you're crazy in the head, baby**   
**Nobody tells you what to do**   
**Nobody tells you where to go, baby."**

**[Ian]** : With no one around, everyone is at that party enjoying life, a party... Which i choose to skip it, get out of there without nobody even noticing, now i'm on my own with the company of my thoughts... "Oh, a beer" -I say as i grab it to drink it-

**"Maybe you did, maybe you walk**   
**Maybe you rock around the clock**   
**Tick-tock, tick-tock."**

Mick thought in searching at the places they used to go, but there was no sight of him around

**"Nobody tells you where to go, baby**   
**Baby**   
**Baby."**

**[Ian]** : He finally found me, a little too late, i was starting to lose consciousness, my eyes were fading away, he does a slide, the pavement is wet, it's raining, no cold, he wet his pants as he touch the ground, he doesn't care, he doesn't even notice that i'm shirtless, only that i've been bleeding, for a piece of shirt i used, to tuck it around my head to stop the nose bleeding, he grab my head with his naked hands, shake me, trying to make me gain consciousness, he success to do that, he sees me looking at him, he smile, I smile then i say his name... Mickey.


	6. Justin and Clay Last Talk

**"On a cobweb afternoon in a room full of emptiness  
By a freeway, I confess I was lost in the pages"**

**[Clay]:** As the night got later we keep dancing and dancing, like there was nothing else, like if were the end of the world, like if was the end of the world... And it was. (Justin colapses)

**"Of a book full of death, reading how we'll die alone"**

**-Justin's last minutes-**

**[Clay]:** Zack's going back to liberty to help the coach next year...

 **[Justin]:** (grasp).. That's awesome...

 **[Clay]:** (sobs) i'm so sorry justin, i'm not good doing this (starts crying)

 **[Justin]:** Hey... (grasp)... You're doing it great (tries to laugh)

 **[Clay]:** (sobs) Thank you for saving my life... More times than you know... (sobs) i love you

 **[Justin]:** (grasp)... I love... (grasp lauoder).., I love... You to, man (sobs)

 **[Clay]:** (sobs)... I'm sorry (he says as he grabs his face as he starts to cry louder and makes a pause)... Are you afraid?...

 **[Justin]:** Yeah... (grasp)... I am... (Starts sobing as he rises his hand to clay)... (grasps)... (Clay sees it)... Would you... (graps), would you hold my hand, bro?... (starts crying) 

**[Clay]:** Yeah... (Both start crying as clay hold justin's hand thight).

**"And on my deathbed I will pray to the gods and the angels**   
**Like a pagan to anyone who will take me to heaven"**

**[Narrator]:** With all his family gatered together around him, clay still holding his hand, justin pass away...

(Clay kisses his hand as he cries)

**"And on I read until the day was gone  
And I sat in regret of all the things I've done  
For all that I've blessed, and all that I've wronged  
In dreams until my death I will wander on"**

(Clay watches justin's diploma) 

**[Justin' Ghost]:** What's all that? (He says as he sit in his bed)

 **[Clay]:** It's just stuff from school (he says as he searches everything in the box) they had me clean up your stuff on the locker today (finds football underwear protector) both of them

 **[Justin's Ghost]:** Sorry about that... 

**[Clay]:** And... I found this (he says as he holds a letter in his hands) your college essay, the one that got you in... I didn't read it, it's personal.

 **[Justin's Ghost]:** Dude, i mean we have literally smellled eachother's farts, you've walked in on me jerking off more times than you even know and now you draw the line? (Laughs)

 **[Clay]:** Yeah (laughs)... (Clears throat and starts reading)... "I didn't really grown up with much positivity in my life, and if i had influences around me were definitely bad, my mother was a drug addict her revolving door of boyfriends mostly drug addicts too, i had a best friend i used to look up to, but then he hurt people close to me and now he's dead"... Jesus, justin, talks about dark...

 **[Justin's Ghost]:** Just, keep going (he says as he pays attention)

 **[Clay]:** (continues reading)... There was a time in my life i trully had nothing but clothes on my pack and the regrets of the people i'd hurt and then a person came into my life, a person named was Clay Jensen... (Clay looks up)... You wrote about me?

 **[Justin's Ghost]:** They said to write about a positive influence in your life...

 **[Clay]:** (continue reading)... Even when I was puking all over his room, he was there, he always been there, which is why even though i've never had a proper family, i know what it feels like to have one, because clay gave that to me, because he is my... He is my... (He grabs his mouth with his hand and starts sobbing)

 **[Justin's Ghost]:** "He is my brother, he is my positive influence and the reason i'm alive and being able to write this college essay in the first place."

 **[Clay]:** (sobs) I miss you... How am i supposed to do this without you?

 **[Justin's Ghost]:** Clay, is like you said, you will survive... (And then they watch eachother one last time before Justin's ghost vanish).

 **"** **In your house I long to be**  
 **Room by room, patiently**  
 **I'll wait for you there like a stone**  
 **I'll wait for you there alone, alone."**


	7. Are you happy?

**\- It was midday when i decided to go to his house, Liam would come with me because he didn't wanted to stay at home alone, he thought would be too bored, so we decided to pay Carl a visit, so i picked up my car, check Liam has the seat belt on and then we would drive from Chicago to Illinois, yeah a long drive but worth it at the end, but why Carl decided to move that far? That's something i would never know, recently we find out he became a dad, so we are going to pay him a visit, go out for lunch and who knows what else-**

**-after some hours driving we finally arrived-**

[ **Liam]:** We should have called to see if he's in home

 **[Ian]:** We won't know until we knock **(** I say as he looks through the window glass **)**

**\- So I knocked and a chick answered the door-**

**[Ian]:** You must be the wife (i say pointing at the lady) and you must be the baby girl **(** pointing at the obvious baby in her arms **)**

 **[Ashley]:** And you must be Ian and Liam **(** pointing at the two guys standing outside her door **)** You want to come in **(** as she makes a signal for them to come inside **)**

 **[Ian]:** No, thank you, we are in a hurry... **(** Liam looks at ian with a weird face **)** we are actually looking for our brother Carl, is he here?

**-The lady calls carl with a shout and he takea a look from what looks like is the kitchen, he sees us and walk faster towards us-**

**[Carl]:** Oh my good, guys... Long time no see **(** as he gives a hug to ian and then to liam **)** what are you two doing here?

 **[Ian]:** Isn't Obvious? We came to see you **(** i say with a smile on my face and liam nods **)**... So if you're not busy, we would like to invite you to lunch **(** i say **)**

 **[Carl]:** Yeah, of course, i know a place... Honey, you want to come? **(** He ask her as ahe says no with her head **)** ok, **(** he says as he close the door and we walk to that restaurant he knows which was a few blocks near his home **)**

 **[Liam]:** You two go, i forgot something in the car, be right back **(** as he goes to look for his beanie **)**

**\- at the restaurant, we choose a table beside the window, because it was warm, besides all the other tables seems a little bit messy -**

**-Liam arrives and sit in front of me-**

**[Ian]:** He's at the counter taking our food **(** i make a sign so Liam follows with his eyes **)**

**\- Then we see three guys arriving, and by the looks, i can tell they're looking for troubles -**

**-Carl return with our plates, he already knows what we wanted to eat since we were talking about it on the way here, then he went to look for our drinks when he accidentally stumble upon one of the guys looking for trouble -**

**[Ian]:** There goes my soda **(** as Carl stumbled at the gym rat guy in his way back to our table and the guy would protest as he clean his thight white shirt now filled with what was my soda as carl apologies **)**

 **[Disrespectful Gym Rat]:** Leave it **(** he says as carl goes to search some paper for the guy to clean up the mess **)**

**\- Back at our table, carl now sit at the right side of me and me facing the hallway, liam notice how fast i drink my soda, as i see trouble aheading our table -**

**[Disrespectful Gym Rat]:** You owe me a shirt, you little fag **(** as he gets closer to carl, to point his finger at his face, by passing me as i check on him for an able advantage **)**

**\- No one seen this coming, he was wearing one of thise new short sleeve shirts with a hoodie with lacea around the nack place, the ones you use to adjust the hoodie whenever you go for a run, so i grab the laces of his shirt hoddie and remember the glass i was holding?, i take him down, grab his face with the glass now looking down at the table and the disrespectful gym rat face on top of rhw glass as i hold him thight -**

**[Ian]:** Tell your friends to move.and tou will have glass all over your face **(** he give them signs how he could as i was holding him, so his friends wouldn't jump to defend him **)** You choose the wrong person to treathen to, now you will apologise to my little brother before i sting all your face with glass, it will be fucking messy and bloody (i say loud and clear)

 **[Disrespectful Gym Rat]:** Ok, ok I will, I will **(** then i pulled him out he said sorry **)**

**\- And then the three of them ran out of the place as we finished eating in an uncomfortable silence as Liam and Carl shared looks at eachother, i payed for any disturbance and then we left -**

**[Ian]:** So, who wants ice cream? **(** I ask like if nothing ever had happened **)**

**\- We decide to sit down and talk, the subject? What just happened moments before, so i guess this was going to be the day they knew the news -**

**[Liam]:** Ian, what the fuck was that back there? **(** He asks as the concern and the curiosity arrives **)**

 **[Carl]:** And don't tell us it's nothing, becauae clearly is something... What's happening? **(** He is more smart of what i remember, very clever of him because that's just what i was about to answer... **)**

 **[Ian]: (** well i guess at some point i would have to let them know, so far thw whole family but them knew **)** I'm Bipolar.

**"And you know how it feels**   
**To bleed some, to need some**   
**And you know how it feels**   
**To bleed some, to need some**

**Are you happy?**

**To bleed some**   
**Bleed some**   
**Bleed some**

**Are you happy?"**


	8. I focus on the pain (Everyone I know Goes away in the end).

**[Monica]:** You need to be with people who accept you for who you are, and they're out there. You... Should never apologise for being you. You, ian. I love you.

**"I hurt myself today**   
**To see if I still feel**   
**I focus on the pain**   
**The only thing that's real**

**The needle tears a hole**   
**The old familiar sting**   
**Try to kill it all away**   
**But I remember everything"**

**[Mickey]:** What the fuck is wrong with you?

**[Ian]:** Too much... Too much is wrong with me, but that's the problem, isn't? Too much is wrong with me and you can't do anything about that, you can't change it, you can't fix me because i'm not broken, i don't need to be fixed, okay? I'm me.

**"What have I become?**   
**My sweetest friend**   
**Everyone I know**   
**Goes away in the end**

**And you could have it all**   
**My empire of dirt**   
**I will let you down**   
**I will make you hurt"**

**[Ian]:** How long do i have to take this for?

**[Psyquiatrist]:** There is some evidence that in time the need for aggressive treatments diminishes

**[Ian]:** How much time?

**[Psyquiatrist]:** Hard to say

**[Ian]:** Ballpark

**[Psyquiatrist]:** Aah... 30-40 years

**"I wear this crown of shit**   
**Upon my liars chair**   
**Full of broken thoughts**   
**I cannot repair"**

**[Mandy]:** You think he will dump you?

**[Ian]:** Well, i told him i'm bipolar and my family's a little screwed and he took it pretty well, but it's one thing to hear it, another thing to live with it so... We shall see.

**"If I could start again**   
**A million miles away**   
**I would keep myself**   
**I would find a way"**


	9. Remember, you said you were always gonna leave

**"he was making coffee, oblivious of what was going to happen, until he sees the lights by the kitchen window and answers the knock on the door"**

**[Police]: Mr. Gallavich? (Says reading the name on the papers to see if she get it right)**

**[Mickey]: What's wrong? (He says as he sees a police officer and Lip standing on the doorstep)**

**[Police]: Would you mind take a sit?**

**[Mickey]: No, i'm good where i'm standing (the police officer hesitates but mickey refuses) can you tell me what happened**

**[Lip]: It's Ian... (Says with tears in his eyes as he sees a very concerned mickey) he shot himself in the head**

**[Police]: It was Mr. Gallagher who found him**

**[Mickey]:(mickey shakes his head) You have made a mistake**

**[Police]: I understand it must be hard for you to process, but you must understand... (Mickey cut her half way)**

**[Mickey]: You're not listening, Ian... Ian wouldn't kill himself, i was with him an hour ago and he was fine, he was fine (says it holding his chest like if his heart would have exploded into pieces) he cook me dinner and he said was was staying late to clean it up, he said he loved me (says as his voice gets higher) so i'm sorry but he wouldn't do this, it doesn't makes any senae, none of thia makes any sense.**

**[Police]: My experiences shows often people with mental illness is...**

**[Mickey]: You're talking about Ian, so i'm sorry, but this is wrong, you have made a mistake, YOU HAVE MADE A MISTAKE, YOU HAVE MADE A MISTAKE (starts shouting as he hits the table)**

**[Lip]: Mick listen, i found him, alrught? Sorry, i would have saved him, but it was too late (Says looking straightvat his face as mickey sobs in denial and falls to the floor)**

**After a while the police officer starts to exit the house as mickey calm down**

**[Mickey]: Did he left a note (says as he rushes thw door before the police officer is gone)**

**[Police]: I'm afraid not (says as she exit the house)**

**[Lip]: He was helping me with some problems with tamy and the alcohol you know... (Says between tears)**

**[Mickey]: And you couldn't return the favor, huh? (Says sobbing)**

**[Lip]: Oh come on, is no one fault**

**[Mickey]: THAT'S NOT TRUE (says screaming) BECAUSE THAT ISN'T SOMETHING THAT PEOPLE SAY ISN'T? BECAUSE SOMETHING LIKE THIS DOESN'T HAPPEN FOR NO REASON (Screams while he sobs) SOMEBODY DOESN'T TAKE THEIR OWN LIFE FOR NO REASON (screams as he starts sobbing louder as he sit in the floor)**

**\- A few moments later-**

**[Sandy serves him a cup of coffee)**

**[Mickey]: I just don't understand how he could do this to me**

**[Sandy]: Mickey, what happened to Ian, you know he had a mental illness, i can't imagine the pain he was feeling to go through something like this... I didn't knew him that well but i knew that he loved you, you were his entired world**

**[Mickey]: Just a world he couldn't live in any longer (says as he starts sibbing again)**

**-later that day-**

**(Mickey still in the couch, refusing to aleep in hia bedroom)**

**[Debbie]: Oh Mickey, hiw are you feeling?**

**[Mickey]: Better now, (he pauses)... I always knew Ian wasn't perfect, he got his low moments, that i thought... What is the worst thing that could happen?, I think i have an idea... And i thought about how i would feel and i didn't knew i would feel like this (he says as he sobs again)... I realiise that the dinner tonight was his way to saying good bye, that us why he was so desperate to be perfect (he holds his chest) and it was, is so obvious now, but i wish i nwcer left.**

**[Debs]: I got to call Mandy, she should know... I hope she's awake (as she dial the number), is calling... Voicemail (she says as she start walking away)**

**(Mickey rushes to find his phone to hear that voicemail Ian told hum not to listen to, he was going throught low state and wasn't in his right mind when he sent it, but mickey wanted to know what was happening so he started to listen)**

**[Ian Voicemail]:.. Hi Mick is me, i understand that you hate me, i hate myself too, so much, i won't be in this plaxe forever, i can't mive past, is this darkness (his voice breaks) a pain that break all into misery, and the thought if i can't get throught it, is this wall behind me building itself brick by brick, and casting a shadow over me, over everything, is always there, always a wall, and i know is going to cruah me, so help me Mick, PLEASE HELP ME (says sobbing and shouting), end of the message...**

**{Mickey sobbing harder and louder as he burries his face in a pillow so no one hear him crying).**

**. To be continue...**


End file.
